Too few naps and Two front teeth!

When I arrived at daycare this afternoon, Isaac was rubbing his eyes and had a little runny nose. It was evident that he was way overtired. "We tried to put him to sleep in so many different ways," his two teachers announced. His first nap was an hour in the morning (good) and then a half hour a couple hours later (not terrible), but that was it! In contrast, when Isaac is with Josh, he easily sleeps 3 hours a day. I know it must be hard to have all those babies and tend to their needs, but it makes me feel sad when Isaac is not getting enough sleep in a day.

As I put on the Bjorn baby carrier (we walk to and from daycare), the main teacher, Dana, told me that Isaac's teeth are coming in nicely. Confirmation! Just this morning, I told Danielle that I thought his teeth were coming in so I felt excited that my baby expert agreed. The poor guy is nursing in a vigorous way that makes me think he's trying to soothe himself. I can't believe that my baby is going to have TWO teeth soon. It looks like the two bottom center ones. I don't know how long this stage lasts where the teeth look like spots on the gums, but I would think they'd emerge by this weekend. Right?

The other comment Dana made is that Isaac likes to practice rolling back to front and front to back. He does that home, so I love hearing that Isaac feels comfortable and is given the space to move around at daycare. Last week, she told us that Isaac was talking a lot. That's no surprise to us--he's really loud. This weekend, he was so loud that he made Matt and Maura's baby cry because his voice startled her (I should mention that she later cried at the sound of an unbalanced washing machine).

So while I really like the teachers and that Isaac explores the daycare space, I am unhappy with Isaac's sleep situation. I'm not really sure what steps I should take to help him get better sleep while there. Does anyone have any ideas?

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Ahh--at 10:15 Isaac woke up with a strange painful cry and after consulting our sleep book, I went in and nursed him. Is this how the night will go? I just sat down again and his cries are starting. Baby Tylenol?

My Kol Nidre talk or What I learned from helping Isaac learn to sleep easy

FYI: I was asked to give an address for our synagogue on Kol Nidre, and Isaac provided the inspiration:

Shabbat Shalom and Good Yontiff—

First off, I’d like to welcome those here worshipping with us for the first time. Second, I’d like to apologize preemptively for the ostensible subject of my talk, which is my son Isaac and his struggle with sleep; like most new parents who talk to you about their kids, I’m presuming that we all share the same high level of interest in the doings of Isaac. However, if that’s not the case, I promise that what at first appears to be mere personal anecdote will come around to the real theme of my talk, one more relevant to this evening.

As many of you know this past spring, my wife and I were blessed with the birth of our son, Isaac. Many of you were there three weeks later as he (thankfully) slept through his naming ceremony. Like any proud parent, I could happily share with you some of the many lessons I’ve learned over these past five months—lessons practical (how to change a cloth diaper on the dirty floor of a Starbucks bathroom) and existential (how changing said diaper changed me). But I’m going to share one with you now that for me continues to be both pragmatic and profound.

This lesson came about when we began sleep training. It’s an odd phrase, but one no doubt familiar to some of you here tonight, you who were once desperate, drowsy, first-time parents, scanning the parenting section at Barnes and Noble for that one perfect book with a title like the No-Cry Sleep Solution that promises that your baby will sleep through the night and you will not feel like a monster. (Incidentally, the No-Cry Sleep Solution does not promise that.) Eventually, we settled on a book recommended by Anique’s sister, entitled the Sleepeasy Solution. During Isaac’s four-month checkup, we told our doctor that we were sleep training and he smiled and nodded, holding his tongue. At Isaac’s two-month appointment, in which we lamented the fact that he woke up every hour, that same doctor, himself a father of three, told us to get Isaac out of our room and into his own crib. “It’s time for Isaac to man up,” he said. At the time, Isaac sat in Anique’s lap, sucking on his fist, seemingly unaware of the directive he’d been given.

But our doctor was right, even if his wording differed from that used by the authors of the Sleepeasy Solution. By placing Isaac down awake in his crib, and leaving him alone in his room to ponder the ceiling, we were forcing him to man up. That first night, we gave Isaac his bath and dressed him in his jammies. We switched on his ocean sounds. He nursed, we sang to him, and then we placed him in his crib and left the room. While Isaac soon adapted to his new bedtime routine, there was crying. Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. And so, on that first night that Isaac woke up crying and we didn’t immediately rush into his room, Anique and I held each other in our bed and cried right along with our son. That night, I pictured Isaac alone in his crib, unable to sit up, struggling to understand why we couldn’t hear him. Perhaps if he cried a little louder. Why wasn’t anyone coming?

In that moment, separated from my son by no more than a narrow hallway and a cracked door, I felt his vulnerability. In that moment, I felt vulnerable, unsure if we were making the right decision, uncertain if I was being a good father.

It seems to me that this shared space of vulnerability, in which Isaac and I both struggle to find solace, offers us a fitting metaphor for this space tonight, on Kol Nidre. The experience of Yom Kippur is often a deeply personal one. On Yom Kippur, and perhaps only on Yom Kippur, we must leave the comfort of our lives and enter a space in which we are vulnerable. It is a space from which our cries, though they may be heard, are not answered by the physical comfort of a parent’s touch.

On the benefits of experiencing God as Mother, Reb Zalman writes, that, “As adults, and children before that time, we are sometimes in need of the help that we got as children.” This help to which Reb Zalman refers is most evident in the love and warmth of a parents’ embrace, but I think it is also evident in those times when the parent must temporarily leave the room. As a member of B’nai Or, I’ve often felt this community’s warmth and love up close, during Friday night services, practicing with Selah, the B’nai Or band, at tribal gatherings and at potluck dinners. Though we have only been members for three years, a relatively short time compared to most of you, I feel that B’nai Or is my spiritual home.

However, tonight as we prepare for Yom Kippur, it is that other kind of warmth and support to which I want to draw our attention. That is, the way this community expresses love from afar. When asked to describe what makes B’nai Or so special, I often begin with a description of our services: “there’s meditation and singing and dancing—well, many of us dance, but you don’t have to, etc.” Yet, I think what makes B’nai Or so special for me is what happens out of services, when I am alone. The still-palpable excitement that so many of you expressed when you found out we were having a baby; the emails you sent us upon the announcement, on the listserve, of Isaac’s birth, blessings, congratulations punctuated with ten exclamation points, offers of help, reminders that we are connected. Most recently, it is evident in the beautiful work of the bereavement committee as it rallies around those most in need of our loving thoughts.

In the middle of the Sleepeasy Solution, in a section titled “Why Can’t I Hold My Crying Child?” the authors offer some suggestions for what we, desperate parents, can do while our child struggles to fall asleep. “Send your child calming, loving thoughts, envisioning her sleeping peacefully.” This is what B’nai Or does best and it is what I ask from you and for you this Yom Kippur. Framed one way, it is the help we need to “man up”; framed in a slightly different way, it is the help we need to sleep easy. On this Yom Kippur, let us strive to provide that safe space for one another, so that as individuals we may each feel the gift of being vulnerable while knowing that we are loved.

Kein yehi ratzon

Ithaca with Moriah and Craig

Ithaca is Gorges!

Josh, Isaac and I visited Josh's sister, Moriah, and her boyfriend, Craig, last weekend in Ithaca, NY.  Not only was it wonderful to see her and meet him for the first time, it was Isaac's very first long car trip (~6hrs directly) and he did amazingly well.

Josh and Isaac picked me up at Brandeis on Friday afternoon and we drove for an hour or so. Then pulled off to feed him and change his diaper. After that, Isaac was awake and happy. After a brief hour or so, Isaac started fussing and rubbing his eyes. So we pulled over at the next rest area and did a variation of our normal bedtime routine: PJ change and disposable diaper and then extensive nursing in the front seat of the car. One problem was that Isaac was so stimulated by the light, the car and various noises that he wasn't very efficient with his eating. Eventually, I called it quits and put him in his car-seat, draped a blanket over his bucket car-seat handle and played the ocean sounds on our iPod player. Josh and I did a little prayer and then started driving. Within minutes, he was asleep! We got to Moriah's house at 11:30 and then transferred him to the pack-n-play that we'd brought from home and set up in our room a Moriah's house.

Moriah and Craig live in this big, funky old house owned by an actor who played one of the Klingon in Deep Space Nine. It's really big and our little family stayed in their spare bedroom. Moriah and Craig had made the room very cozy for our arrival.

Saturday we spent at the farmer's market, walking around Ithaca and eating at Moosewood and a yummy ice cream shop and then ended up hiking several miles around one of Ithaca's amazing gorges. They really are spectacular. We finished off the day with my lentil soup and Moriah's fresh roasted squash.

Sunday morning arrived too soon after Isaac woke up and couldn't fall back asleep. So Josh and I got up and packed in a hurry. We grabbed breakfast in Ithaca and hit the road. Isaac slept most of the trip but when he was awake, he was a little pissed off that he was still in the car. We took frequent breaks when he was awake and sang many songs in as entertaining a fashion as possible. Have we told you how the Flight of the Conchords' song "You don't have to be a prostitute" is Isaac's favorite? Well, he loves it!

We walked into our house at 4:30 and felt really happy with our adventurous weekend.

Isaac eats his toes/rice cereal

Update on sleep

It's been almost a month since we started working on Isaac's sleep. In comparison to how it used to be, Isaac is doing great.

We now start bedtime at about 6:30. It always starts with the bath. Now, it's not just any bath: it's bath-theater. Josh usually plays his ukulele and sings to us (typical songs are "You don't have to be a prostitute" and "Carol Brown" by Flight of the Concords and the Police song "So Loney"). I'm in the bathtub with Isaac and wash him with a washcloth but also splash his feet around and move him around in the water. Once we've had enough (it's usually Isaac who makes the decision), we get him into a disposable diaper (he wears cloth during the day) and his pajamas.

His white noise (a wave song from iTunes repeated a hundred times in a playlist) and the cold-air humidifier get turned on and I grab his lovey (a blanket with a bear head) and drape it over my shoulder. Josh says "good-night" and then I nurse Isaac alone on the guest bed. I watch him very closely while he's finishing and wait for his little jaw to stop moving. Once he's done and almost asleep (but not asleep) I pick him up and sing the first part of"Waters of Babylon". Then I place him in his crib with his lovey (now smelling of me) in his hand.

Sometimes he cries or talks to himself. Sometimes he falls right asleep.

Then a couple of hours later, he cries for a few minutes, but puts himself to sleep. I nurse him at 1 AM (I set my alarm) and then all bets are off after that. Lately, I have been nursing him when he wakes up again in the 3's and the 5's. If I nurse him at 5ish, he'll sleep until 7:20--allowing me and Josh to shower and get dressed.

I'm tired a lot lately, but recognize I am getting a lot of sleep compared to many other new parents. I recognize that if we could drop just the 3AM feeding, I'd be a lot more rested.

Feed me...

Last Monday, I stopped by the local Shaw's Supermarket and bought a box of baby rice cereal on my way to pick up Isaac from daycare. He's been eating so much at daycare that Dana (the main Infant Room teacher) recommended that we start him on solids. A few weeks earlier at our 4-month appointment, Dr. Altman had told us Isaac was ready to start rice cereal, but we could wait if we wanted. Both Josh and I were hesitant to start solids but weren't really sure why. I found something on the web that said that there is a correlation between early solids and Type I diabetes. Yikes! My nephew Ryan has Type I. As the days passed after Dana first mentioned solids to us, Isaac's appetite really increased. On several days, he actually out-ate my supply for that day--a scary predicament for a nursing mom. I guess I was also hesitant to buy the cereal because it meant my little baby is getting older.

So last Monday night, after Josh came home from doing work, I mixed a tablespoon or so of the powdery rice cereal (it's actually rice flour) with refrigerated breast milk and then served the slurry to Isaac with a new spoon we had just received as a present. He didn't hate it or love it. The mix simply drooled out of his mouth.

We didn't try feeding him again until tonight.

Josh was out working while Isaac was having naked time on the mat before bed when I thought about the cereal. I mixed the cereal up with less liquid this time--making it more of a paste. I then dipped my finger in it and fed Isaac my finger. He opened his mouth and sucked. I served him maybe a couple of teaspoons before he stopped opening his mouth and I figured out that he had enough.

It makes me both excited and sad to think about Isaac getting nutrients from solid food instead of just from me. He's still a nursing baby, he's just expanding his palette.