Becoming the OMs

Sunday, May 13, 2012

My Mommy, PhD

Here's a new song that Isaac and I "wrote" for Anique for Mother's Day 2012.

Happy Mother's Day! Isaac and Josh played at the Watch City Festival yesterday and Isaac loved the carnival-like atmosphere. Here's a super cute cell-phone video of Isaac chasing bubbles. We went back today and Isaac and I spent about a half hour listening to a carousel-organ that was made for Queen Victoria's Diamond Jubilee while Josh donated blood (the Red Cross nurses even dressed up!).

BTW: In case you haven't heard, Josh accepted the Lexington offer after playing the two schools' offers off each-other. He's really excited and I am so proud of him.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Things are changing

In my last post, I mentioned briefly that I am wrapping up my PhD studies at Brandeis. Well, I am not the only one mixing things up in our house! Josh made the difficult decision to take a (possibly permanent) academic leave from his PhD and throw himself in the direction of teaching at the secondary level (again). Not two weeks after telling his advisor about his plan, he was teaching a sample lesson as part of an interview for a position at a prestigious private school. That job didn't work out and Josh felt like it wasn't a good fit and a bullet dodged. While doubt sometimes crept into his thoughts, he plowed ahead and completed perhaps a dozen public school applications (or more). Simultaneously, he courageously decided to take on (in addition to his managing editor position at an academic journal and TAship at Boston College) a full-time maternity leave replacement for the rest of the school year at Wellesley High School. That's when Lexington High School showed interest. He went in for two vigorous interviews--teaching sample classes--and then today had a final "interview" with the principal. Good news: he got the job! Lexington High is ranked 5th on Boston.com list of best MA school districts and is pretty close to where we live right now. Importantly, he likes the people there and would feel comfortable working with them. Yet when it rains, it pours: it seems that Wellesley wants him too but they haven't advanced their search as quickly as Lexington. Like in a cheesy romance novel, Josh will have to way the pros and cons and choose the best suitor. Stay tuned for what happens next! Disclaimer: Josh still needs to meet with the HR person to make it "official", but I say, congratulate him anyway!

So if I'm still at Brandeis, Josh is teaching five days a week, and Isaac goes to day care four days a week, what's going on with Isaac? you might ask. Well, first, we made Isaac's non-daycare day Friday and then asked Danielle if she could help. She will! Just today we finalized the details. I'll bring Isaac to Cambridge really early (in pjs and without breakfast) to avoid the horrible Fresh Pond traffic. She plans to take Isaac and Izzi to Fresh Pond to play all morning--there are various things to do there for kids. She has a plan of attack for how to lunch and naps--Izzi first (easy napper) and then Isaac in a different room (chatterbox). Then Josh will pick-up most afternoons. I'm excited that Isaac will have these special Fridays and I think he'll get a lot out of the experience (special time with his aunt and cousin, experiencing new things, possible use of the potty like his younger cousin??)

Anyway, there is a lot going on. We now we've been neglectful friends, email correspondents, etc. so I hope this serves as a lengthy excuse! We promise to be more attentive in just a few months!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

The sum of little moments

Recently, our friend asked me to contribute a quote for her book called I LOVE Mondays: And other confessions from devoted working moms (Seal Press, Fall 2012). She told me that "the book explores the 11 biggest concerns for working mom and offers both reassurance and specific strategies for dealing with each concern." Over the past several months, I have been preparing a scientific manuscript for publication. I have said more than once that this dissertation baby is a significantly harder birth experience than real childbirth. Really--I have gotten frustrated then full of hope then frustrated again--like, am I really only 4cm dilated after all this pain?? The plan is that I defend in July and start a new job at MIT in August. From where I sit right now, that feels impossible. However, everyone around me says it's going to happen so I'm trying to breathe that in and believe it. Anyway, even though I'm busy, I wanted to contribute to the book--maybe, especially now because I've been missing Isaac more than ever. Now that he's TWO (his birthday was last Wednesday), I feel like he has this new energy and has this spark to him that I find exciting to be around. So when our friend wanted a quote that dealt with how I handle missing major events in my child's life, I thought it over and came up with the realization that I haven't missed a single major milestone, but for some reason her question still made me sad. Here's here request and below that is what I wrote:

Don't know if you remember that I'm writing a book called I LOVE Mondays: And other confessions from devoted working moms (Seal Press, Fall 2012). The book explores the 11 biggest concerns for working mom and offers both reassurance and specific strategies for dealing with each concern. I'm hoping you can provide me with a quote for the book.

One of the big worries for working moms is that they are scarring their children emotionally by missing occasional milestones (whether it's the first step, first laugh or first piano recital) because they are at work at the time. Assuming you've experienced firsthand such travesties, have you figured out anything that works for you and/or makes your feel better when you miss your son's big moment?

The sum of little moments

I went back to lab—doing experiments, writing academic papers and preparing presentations—when my son, Isaac, was barely 9 weeks old. At that time, my husband, Josh, was also a student and by the time my maternity leave finished, the college semester was over and Josh had passed a qualifying exam for his program so he could take the summer off to be with Isaac. Yet, even once the semester started again, Josh had the flexibility in his humanity degree program to stay with our son two days a week. Meanwhile, I found it extremely challenging juggling the nature of biological science (experiments can unexpectedly go long and techniques can fail) with pumping breast-milk twice a day and getting home early to eat family-dinner and put Isaac to bed. Then once bedtime was over, I’d leave the dishes for Josh and drive back to lab to finish jobs abruptly left a few hours earlier. Over the past two years, it is remarkable considering my schedule that I have been there for all the major milestones. I cheered Isaac on as he took his first steps and cried when he smiled his first smile. However, I still feel like I’ve missed out: I didn’t see him chortle when Josh pushed Isaac high on the swing at the playground, I couldn’t help him as he struggled to nap at daycare, I didn’t watch him run through the sand with his cousins on a recent sunny day. I have watched with enthusiasm the cell-phone videos and pictures taken of these non-milestone moments but I sometimes feel sad seeing the little moments go by without me. So when I feel like too many of these moments are happening, if I’m home, I’ll stop the mental gymnastics and try to really enjoy the mornings and evenings when we’re together and try to stay present with the story I’m reading or bath he’s splashing in and if possible, I will also try to arrange my schedule to spend some extra time together doing our own adventure. But if those moments come up and I’m at work, I try to quickly satisfy my Isaac-craving with a quick look at a family picture or online movie and plan something fun and small I can do once I see my little guy, and then get back to work to maximize my time away from my family.

Here's Michelle's edited version--it's different in tone and more generic, but fine. I approved it:
“I went back to lab—doing experiments, writing academic papers and preparing presentations—when my son, Isaac, was barely 9 weeks old. I sometimes feel sad knowing the little moments my son experiences go by without me. When I feel like too many of these moments are happening, I’ll stop the mental gymnastics and try to really focus on enjoying the mornings and evenings when I’m home--staying present with the story I’m reading him or the bath he’s splashing in. If those sad moments come up while I’m at work, I try to satisfy my Isaac-craving with a quick look at a family picture or online video of him, and then plan something fun and small I can do once I see my little guy.”