Isaac is close to 18 months old. This past Saturday, after bath, PJs, and books, I nursed Isaac for the last time. I didn't know it would be the last time while it was happening, but it was. He was already down to just two times a day and while he probably could have gone on nursing for another year, I was ready. I've been looking for an out and on Sunday morning, on mistake, he gave it to me.
Normally, it was the first part of his day. On Sunday, we went downstairs and I started making coffee. At this point, he usually asks to nurse (a combination of sign, words and facial expressions). On Sunday, he didn't. He pointed at sippy cups drying by the sink and said "ba-tl." I said, "Bottle?" and then he said, "Elk!" He wanted milk and asked for it! I grabbed the milk from the fridge and filled up a sippy. I then watched in amazement as he downed it in under a minute or two. As the day went on, he didn't ask to nurse, but just to be safe, I had Josh put him down for a nap. At bedtime, he didn't ask and so I put him in his crib. As I shut the door, he cried out. As I walked down the stairs to ask Josh his opinion on what I should do, Isaac stopped crying.
Since Sunday, Isaac has asked a few times. Today while I was home for the Jewish New Year celebration, Isaac was really tired and really could have benefited from the wonderful cure-all that is breastmilk. But I held firm even when he spoke "nurse!" and pointed at the couch (our regular spot).
While I won't miss the presence of all those horrifying teeth or the sometime demanding nature of his requests, already I miss how calm my big walking, talking boy would get when we would nurse. Like an adult after meditation or a big work-out, Isaac slowed down when he was in my arms and relaxed completely. He'd look up at me when I'd tickle his feet and smile with his eyes. Afterward, he was happy and ready to play again (or fall asleep).
Many people choose not to breastfeed a big baby. They think it's disgusting somehow that a child can ask to nurse. I always remind those people that babies "ask" to nurse way before they can actually speak the words. But once they can ask, as Isaac could, why is that so bad? I know Isaac didn't need my breastmilk in the same way that he needed it right after he was born, but I know he liked it and I liked it too. Not in a weird sexual way, but in a, I'm his parent and I love him way. Some babies choose to end nursing on their own. A couple of my nephews were like that. You see, my sisters have always talked about nursing as a mutual relationship: it's wonderful until it's not for one of you. That's when it comes to an end--when it's not working anymore for both mom and baby. Like any break-up, there is one person who is a little happier than the other about that outcome. I guess in this instance, that was me.
So after almost 18 months of breastfeeding, Isaac's babyhood is over. I know he'll still be a "baby" to Josh and me, but now that Isaac walks, talks, eats with a fork, has his own wants and desires, I see that we've entered into a whole new phase of his development.
No comments:
Post a Comment