This morning, as I followed an online recipe for "That's the best frosting I have ever had" (my first real buttercream) with Isaac before school, I felt proud that I have a son who wants to help me stir and is curious about things like what exactly was in the big tupperware containers (chocolate muffins that I made last night).
Earlier, over breakfast, I reminded Isaac that Josh and I were planning on coming into his Montessori classroom to celebrate his birthday. Initially, he was a little upset saying, "I don't want to celebrate my birthday." This didn't surprise me because over the last couple of days, he has been mixed about his birthday--at times very excited and at times very unenthusiastic. I probed a little more this time. "Is there something about the celebration that makes you nervous?" I asked. Then he said, "I don't want to walk around the circle with anyone." In his school, the birthday child chooses a friend to walk around the "sun" with him for each year that he's been alive. I asked if he couldn't choose between Nolan and Luke, two friends we hear a lot about. He nodded. I said that sometimes when I can't choose between things that I play a game. I went and got a quarter out of my bag and showed him what heads and tails are. We then took turns throwing it up in the air and seeing that sometimes it lands on "heads" and sometimes on "tails."
Next, I wrote "H, h, heads--Luke" and "T, t, tails--Nolan" on our whiteboard easel. Then he flipped the coin and I marked how many times they both came up. Then we switched roles. At the end, I reminded him about how games can some times help us make decisions. He decided that Nolan would walk with him (I didn't point out that Nolan had "lost").
At 10:30, Josh and I met up and went into the classroom with the cupcakes and four mounted photos from each year of Isaac's life. We were invited by the classroom with all of the children seated in a circle on the floor around a large mat with a lite candle in the center. The ceremony began. At the right moment, Isaac asked Nolan to join him in his "walk around the sun." To everyone's surprise, Nolan said, "No. I don't want to." One of their teachers, Elizabeth, said that Isaac could choose someone else. Half the children had their hands raised and Isaac picked Luke.
For each "year," Josh and I shared stories about Isaac. We talked about how much Isaac loves books, music, and family. We talked about Maine, car trips, camping and his new home. After each story, Isaac and Luke circled the candle while the children recited the months of the year. Once the ceremony was over, Isaac blew out the candle and we all sang "Happy Birthday." Then it was time for the cupcakes and Isaac had to choose another friend. Now Nolan's hand went up. Isaac picked him. They handed out napkins together. Then the cupcakes were passed out and all the children ate theirs on the mat. The kids were adorable saying that the cupcakes were really good and one child even said, "These are so good that I'd like this recipe!"
I'm very proud of my little boy. He has done so much "growing up" in the last couple of months and is really becoming the person he was meant to be -- someone with a fine sense of humor, sensitive heart and quick memory and mind. As we prepare to welcome his brother or sister into this world, I get nervous about how things will change for the three of us. I don't know how Isaac will be with his sibling and even though I promise him that I'll run down the hill with him this summer, I don't know exactly how I will be with two children. My I-don't-know-mind can sometimes turn overwhelmingly scary, but I'm trying to focus on today--for now, Isaac's birthday week--and resist the temptation to dwell on life after the baby is born. My goal is to fully experience the moment with the joys of each day, instead of the fear of the months ahead.
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